who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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