Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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