I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
