apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
