i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Randomize
