I'm drive I can fine osifer
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
