you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
