I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
It was like giving head to a cactus.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
