Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
