i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Everything about him screamed your future.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
