So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
What a dumb baby whore.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
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