you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
