is your mom at the bar?
I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
