Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
