between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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