I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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