All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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