Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize