census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
