matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
