your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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