note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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