I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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