btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
