Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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