You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
