If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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