There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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