If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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