Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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