You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
