Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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