so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
