I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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