I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
