No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Randomize
