Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
