Too much gin, very little bucket
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
