If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
