That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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