now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
