So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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