so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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