she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
we made out on top of his cat.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
