Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
