half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Houston, we have a squirter
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
My dick has a subreddit
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
