Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
