I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize