first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
