The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
