Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
