my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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