Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
