I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Someone signed my nipple.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
