I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
