i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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