I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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