Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
