my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
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Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
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do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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