I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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