I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Enjoy the penises
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize