Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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