I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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