You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize