She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
