Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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