I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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