If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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