Tell her she can't have a vagina
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
