let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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