why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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