Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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